Update on Rex Kidnapping

As you can probably tell from the photo, which I took with an iPhone, I'm still alive and well. Although I can't see anything with my blindfold on, it's pretty easy to type on my captor's iPhone -- in fact, it's so easy, even a blindfolded Dalmatian can do it!

My captors won't say what they plan to do with me, but I get the feeling that time is running out for Rex the Dalmatian. I overheard one of them refer to the leader as ,"C. D." I'm not sure who this C.D. is, but get the feeling that she's not that nice. Please keep looking for me.

I've got to go now, before I get caught using C.D.'s bandwidth. She can be pretty nasty when she gets mad!

Rex Gets Kidnapped

It was bound to happen. After all, I'm a fun-loving dog, and there just aren't enough good dogs to go around. Even so, I don't think anyone imagined that this would happen to me.

Dad just got home, and as always, he called out, "Rex! Dad's home!" I always come running to greet Dad -- but not this time. He called out again and again, but there was no answer. Dad looked everywhere, but I was nowhere to be found. Dad ran outside and shouted, "Rex! Rex," but I did not answer.

Dad thought the worst -- "Rex has been kidnapped. What am I going to tell Mom?" He called Mom to break the bad news, but there was no answer. Dad left a message for her to call as soon as possible. Then he went to the bank, to arrange a billion dollar line of credit. He then went home, to wait by the phone for the kidnappers to call with their inevitable ransom demand. It was a long time before the phone rang.

"Come on, Rex. We have to call your Dad." We have to go now. I hope to tell you more next time -- if there is a next time. . .

Rex Saves the Day!

Last night started out like any other night. After dinner, I went out to run around and bark at Charlie, as he played in his yard. When I went inside, I helped Dad watch TV. Typical stuff. Then, in a flash, it all changed. I looked out the back window, and saw that our yard was suddenly full of invading deer. Immediately, I sprung into action, as Dad opened the back door, to allow me to defend my neighborhood. At first, the deer looked at me, as if to say, "Who are you kidding? One barking dog against half a dozen deer? We'll eat you alive!" Once they saw the determination in my eyes, they took off into the woods, as I barked and shouted, "Don't ever come back into my neighborhood!"

Dad said I saved the entire neighborhood from certain annihilation. As far as I'm concerned, that's all part of a dog's job.

p.s. Don't think for a minute that I don't like deer, because I do. It's delicious on a bed of wild rice. Woof!

Rex Speaks Out On Human Failings

Let me start out by saying that I really like humans. Some of my best friends are humans. I'm always real happy when Mom gets home, and I greet her at the door with my tail wagging like the neighborhood gossip's tongue at a cocktail party. I've spent countless hours teaching Dad how to play "Whistlework" and to use the computer. These are things I do because I truly enjoy helping people. There are a couple of things about humans, however, about which I feel obliged as a leader among dogs, to bring out into the open.

First and most obvious are the noses. Warm and dry. I try to snuggle with humans and accidentally brush against their noses. Yuck! Perhaps Chinese mustard and ice cubes would help their really gross noses. And their bathroom habits. OMG! Can you believe they actually close the door and flush when they are done? Nobody gets to sniff or anything. Were I not such a people dog, this would be a real dealbreaker. For goodness sake, people, please go outside! If just one person benefits from this thoughtful advice, I would be happy.

As I said at the outset, I like humans. Please don't think of me as someone with no need for people. Where I come from, we have a word to describe those with no need for people. . . cats. Got to run now. . . Mom's home!

Rex Teaches Dad a New Trick

Today, Dad and I had a lot of fun, and I taught him a cool new trick in the process. First, I had Dad cook up a bunch of hot dog slivers and put them in a container. Then, I taught him how to play a game we call "Whistlework." In this game, I have Dad blow a whistle and wait until I come running, and then he feeds me a piece of hot dog. This is an easy game for dogs, but rather complex for humans to grasp, with three serial components -- blow the whistle, wait, and feed. Eventually, Dad grasped the concept, and he actually got pretty good at it. As far as humans go, Dad is a pretty quick study. And. . . it does show that you can teach an old dad new tricks.

Well, I would love to chat all evening, but I think I hear some kids walking past my house.

Rex Gets in Trouble

Today, Mom got really mad at me for snatching food off her plate. I seriously thought she wanted me to eat it. See, whenever my brothers eat, food goes from the plate to their mouths in under two nanoseconds. Well, Mom was really taking her good old time about it, so I took that as an invitation to help. Nobody ever told me that boys devour and ladies savor. Anyway, Mom yelled, "No Rex! Get down! Naughty dog!" So, I did what any self-respecting precocious puppy would do -- I flopped down on the floor, with ears and tail down, and looked at Mom with that "nobody loves me" look. It didn't take long for Mom to start petting me. You'll never guess what Mom did next. She gave me the rest of the food off her plate! It's a dog's life. . .

Rex the Dalmatian Has a Big Day

This morning a squirrel made the mistake of wandering into my back yard. After Dad let me outside, it took me a couple of nanoseconds to run that silly squirrel up a tree, where he stayed until Mom called me in. Later in the morning, some neighbors took down their Christmas lights. That got me just as worked up as the squirrel in my yard did! Why can't people leave up their Christmas lights all year? They're awfully pretty.

Last night Mom made steak, and today she let me have a bone. That photo would be me enjoying my delectable cuisine. The life of this Dalmatian is pretty good right about now. Well, I've got to run. That crazy squirrel is back in my yard.